Good morning Monday Motivation fans! I hope you’re all doing well? After what feels like the busiest weekend ever I’m pretty happy to be able to have a bit of a lie in on a Monday morning for a change! Thank goodness for the half term holidays! I am still working through this week, which might be a bit of a struggle with the kids at home, but it will still be a lot easier than in previous jobs when I’ve had to find some sort of childcare in the holidays. This weekend Phoebe has been performing in her first musical theatre production, The Wizard of Oz, and was so wonderful to see her loving singing and dancing on stage. As a child I was always far too nervous to really enjoy performing on stage which I always think is such a shame. As an adult I absolutely love it! Both of my children are very at home on the stage and neither seems to suffer from any sort of nerves…I am quite envious of them! I also enjoyed my friend’s baby shower on Saturday, although it was cut a little short for me as I was rushing backwards and forwards from show rehearsals and performances. Then on Sunday my Mum and Dad came up to watch Phoebe and stayed for a late lunch so we could celebrate my Dad’s 87th birthday!
We are looking forward to pancake day on Tuesday and then of course it’s Valentine’s day on Wednesday. Andrew and I don’t tend to go mad on Valentine’s day, last year we had a £5 budget on a gift, but it’s a good excuse to remember why we got together and show a bit of appreciation for each other. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle and business of family life it can be easy to forget to stop and think about your relationship and tell each other how much you love and appreciate them.
When I took my NLP course several years ago we learnt about ‘strategies‘, the different ways and processes that we use to achieve certain things in life. We have strategies for just about everything we do, including love…the way we show love and the way we like to be loved. We all have different ways in which we show love. Auditory people will want to hear someone tell them they love them to feel loved. Kinesthetic people will want to feel love – holding hands, a hug, a kiss will all make them feel loved. Visual people will need to see that they are loved by receiving a gift or flowers for example. Andrew is the touchy feeley, hand holding type and I am definitely the one that needs to see gifts! As individuals we show love in the same way that we want to receive it which means that, if you’re with someone that doesn’t show the love in the same way that you do, you can sometimes feel that things aren’t quite right. When it comes to love we are definitely not compatible…he needs hugs, I need presents!
Learning this was an absolute revelation to me. Andrew always used to moan that I wasn’t cuddly enough and I started to understand why. So we came to the decision that it would be a good idea to try to fulfil the other’s need when it came to showing love! If nothing else, it would be interesting to see whether it improved our relationship in any way. It didn’t feel natural for me to start suddenly holding hands in public and being more tactile but I did my best as I thought it would help our relationship and also I was looking forward to my presents in return! After a couple of weeks, and lots of hand holding, there were still no presents. I was not impressed. I was holding up my part of the bargain but it felt like Andrew wasn’t fulfilling my needs! Where was my stuff?! Then one afternoon he returned home looking very pleased with himself announcing that he had brought me some presents! I bounded down the stairs excitedly wondering what goodies he had lovingly chosen for me! He handed my a carrier bag, not a great start but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and dived in. What was inside? A Weightwatchers magazine and a packet of peanut M&Ms. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t entirely ungrateful. I love peanut M&Ms and the weightwatchers magazine had some great recipes in it but I had been lovingly holding hands and showing heart felt affection for nearly 3 weeks…I thought that deserved at least a new handbag!
So did we carry on? No…we did not. He went back to the hugging and I went back to the present buying but the most important thing we learnt is that we show love in different ways. Andrew now knows that every time I go shopping and spend a fortune but still remember to come back with something for him then it’s just because I love him. And I now know that every time Andrew pinches my bum he’s not trying to be annoying…he’s just showing he loves me!
Have a great week and I hope someone show’s you some love this Valentine’s Day!